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Been too Long since I knew you.

“Suddenly my eyes are open everything comes into focus…”

Nothing is ever as it seems. You may believe that everything is okay, but somewhere there is someone who knows differently. And just sometimes… they are people very close to you; but they hold their silence because they don’t have the courage to do otherwise.

But the painful part is that they always keep the thoughts that you know hurt them to themselves. They say I just wanted to muddle through on my own. Kind of makes you feel worthless really. That the one person you care about feels trapped.

Not that they’ll admit it.

Winston Churchill said to never ever ever give up, but I wouldn’t see it as that… I’d see that as admitting defeat. Which is a mature, respectable thing to do.

Stop Full Stops- not just a blog post

Hi everyone! I apologise for my lack of recent posting but i’ve been very busy, and with good reason.

In may I wrote a post about anti-bullying. It’s a cause that is very important to me, and the only way to decrease the amount of people who are victims to bullying is to make people aware. So to increase awareness, with the help of some friends, I’ve turned that blog post into an appeal.

Stop full stops has it’s own specific blog, where victims of bullying, and people who want to know more, can go to read informative posts, and ask for advice with situations they may be enduring. check it out http://www.stopfullstops.wordpress.com

I hope you can get behind the cause and support anti-bullying just as much as me. For those of you who have pages on social networks, there is also a twitter and facebook page.

Thanks everyone. Love ya xxx

Friendships falling

Sometimes the person you thought you knew the most does something that makes you think you never really knew them at all. You do everthing you can to make them happy, to protect them, and they ignore every single word you say. They think they’re better than you! That they can change somebody, even though you couldn’t.

Girls all love to have friends- it’s the most important thing in the world. But some girls are blind, and get tied up in a little thing I like to call the male gender.

I have this friend, we’ve known eachother for years. I still remember when we used to prop up the camcorder in her living room and dance around and sing to high school musical, do makeovers, laugh and have fun. Even when we had boyfriends, our friendship stayed strong, because that’s what came first. That’s what was most important.

But now, I don’t know her at all. She’s changed so much, some things for the better, some for the worst. She used to be suicidal, and she’s not anymore, which is brilliant and I’m so relieved. I still remember when I had to tell her mother how bad her turns were getting, it was horrible. But then there are some things that aren’t so good.

In friendships, you are meant to be honest and trusting and understanding. I don’t think I can she is any of those things anymore.

I was with a guy, who I fell for really hard. It hurt a lot when everything messed up, and we both tried to keep our relationship strong but it just didn’t work. We decided to be friends, but that didn’t go so well either, we were constantly arguing and fighting because of stupid petty things. And just as we began to be friends properly he’d do something to hurt me. All the while I was crying to my best friend, and she was saying he was an arsehole, comforting me. Being understanding.

And then I find out that he likes her, and I warn her of all the things he’s done, and she says she likes him back. And wants to be with him. And that she can make him better. She didn’t actually listen. She didn’t actually understand. She didn’t actually care how he made me feel. She just wants to be happy.

Well she won’t find happiness with him. But it doesn’t matter I don’t control her she can do as she pleases, but she certainly isn’t my best friend anymore. I don’t know her at all.

Survivor

You thought that without you I’d crumble. You thought I would die without you, but I’m living. In fact I’m living so much better.

What you don’t realise is that without you, everything is better. I can see I can hear I can feel. You lied and cheated and hurt, but I don’t have to put up with crap like that. Nobody does. You trick and manipulate and then think you’re right about everything. You’re so stubborn it’s almost funny. Especially when you know how stupid you sound but continue anyway.

And you know what, it’s not even what you do directly. You can wriggle into other people and use them. You use people to hurt me. Doesn’t that just show how weak you are? Teasing someones mind into thinking a load of rubbish and making them hurt someone you “cared” about.

You don’t know what care is.

But what do I care? I have someone a million times better than you. And you know what you’ve given me the kick up the arse to work harder. I’m not gonna give up. Because what I have now is so much more important.

I’m a survivor, you think I’m weaker, but I’m stronger.

Rip it up

Take it. Tear it. Rip it up. Pull it apart. Just like you would do to him. Turn something that yused to be so strong into a million tattered peices. Just like he did to me.

You can’t imagine how exhilirating it is to tear up something that once meant the world to you. Something somebody gave you, somebody who betrayed you, crushed uoupart. Somebody who doesn’t deserve a minute of your time, a minute of anybodies time. So many broken promises. So many restless tearful nights that you had to endure because of them and what they wrongly thought was right.

It’s a relief to break apart something you knew took time and care. Something that took thought and effort. Because their time care and effort was wasted anyway because of the actions that they took in their life. The things they did to you. To them, that small snippet of care meant nothing. It would be the only care you ever got so they might as well push out all the stops before treating you like dog shit.

Now I’m not cruel like him. I wouldn’t say that our relationship meant nothing. I wouldn’t say that being with him was an unfortunate experience because when we were together it wasn’t. I wouldn’t say that he was a fucking nightmare or that he was hell, because he wasn’t at the time. Yes he didn’t listen and yes he manipulated everything I said to try and cause fights and it drove me crazy. But that doesn’t mean that I never felt for him.

And you know what, I should thank that ignorant stubborn git because if he hadn’t made me feel so awful I wouldn’t have the amazing special man that I have today.

But for all of you girls and guys who have been with someone who’s hurt you and given you something- rip it ip. It sure as hell feels good. And if you’re with someone else. Get them to help. It makes it even better. Xxx

Been so busy..

SORRRRRRRRYYYY

I’ve been ditching my blog far too much, but I’m back now, seeing as my brother has a new playstation game and is keeping of the laptop 😛

So to let you know what has been going on with me recently

Both Matt, my awesome boyfriend, and Megan, my best friend, have buggered off to Florida (RUDENESS!!!) so I’m practically dying. But I shall try to cope. It’s failing so far though… oh well.

I went to the nanny rabbits for a week of my summer holdiay- we went bowling, on a boat trip (I got to drive!!) and generally had a brilliant time. While I was there I decided that I want a goat. LOTS!!! So I’m trying to persuade the man with money to buy a goat farm as a business investment. They are just so cute!!

So yeah, I’m back, and having a kind of ok time 😛 hope you’re all having fun in the summer or whatever else you are doing!

 

Love, leigh xxx

Missing you muchly.

Five days. It’s only been 5 days… only 120 hours… it’s almost crazy the extent that I miss you. In fact it is unbearable. I never ever want you to go away again. I’m seriously suprised that I’m still managing to feel happy. Although it seems quite rare that I do feel completely happy without you here. some people would say that I depend on you to much,that I need to learn to manage for myself. But you know what.

I know you’ll never leave,you won’t walk away you wont leave me here alone. Becuse you live me. and I know that such thing is true. And you know very well that I love you too.So why should I have to worry abouy life by myeslf if you’re never going to go? Just in case I guess. but eh.

I miss you my love… see you soon?

(Ok now for all my clueless readers- Brooksy, my very attractive very smart funny amazing man is off in florida with his family And I miss him A lot. )